This week, we got tickets to Outside Lands music festival here in San Francisco in August. (Let me know if you are going.)
The headliners are remarkable: Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band and Beastie Boys. (I am pretty sure somewhere in my 17th year I said "Wouldn't it be great if Pearl Jam and Beastie Boys did a concert together?") I mentioned on the blog before when I was thinking of heading to Bonnaroo last year that Pearl Jam Ten is "the best" and "my favorite" album of all time, but I didn't really explain much (more just a twitter statement to the fact.) I think I'll take a bit of time to explain my relationship with Pearl Jam.
Now, I realize how silly this is. I mean Pearl Jam is one of the most popular bands of all time and I have always been teased for my affinity to all things popular. I am not a good critic to say the least. My taste in music has always been too eclectic to find a niche. But Pearl Jam has served a unique place in my life.
I actually remember buying the Pearl Jam tape at Raccoon Records (Eric, I'd give you $50 for that shirt now) in late '91 or early '92. I was buying a gift bundle of tapes for my girlfriend Loula; she gave me a list of music she was excited about at the time (again, I can't take credit for finding things musical.) When she played Ten for me the first time, I remember being blown away. It was so damn beautiful and right. I'd watch Pearl Jam on the Headbanger's Ball shows I taped for her (she didn't get MTV in her city) and couldn't believe there was someone like Eddie Vedder out there. (I'll get to what I mean by that in a bit.)
The momentum picked up. There was the phenomenal appearance on SNL.
Pearl Jam "Alive" on SNL
And then the Unplugged performance where Eddie wrote PRO-CHOICE!!! on his arm.
Pearl Jam "Porch" on Unplugged
Of course, it is popularly understood that Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain were the unwilling cultural icons of the grunge/alternative scene and a hero of all us "Gen X youngsters." I appreciated Cobain but could never get attached to him. But in Vedder I saw what I wanted.
Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam and their music combined the anger/angst of being a teenager and much music of the time, but the positivity and playfulness that was so much a part of my DNA that I could never let go of it.
You see, this album TEN was playing out during the time in my life where I had just failed tenth grade. My failing was the strange thing to many people, because I loved learning, was incredibly participatory in class and had no behavioral or what is now called citizenship problems. Basically, I was happy, playful and enjoying my life. But I also carried this intense anxiety about school work. I couldn't connect with it. I knew I had something to offer, but the school system wasn't designed for me to take advantage of it. Furthermore, it was not designed to catch someone like me.
Anyway, Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder helped me deal with that. When you attend a college prep school and fail a year and have to repeat, it can be devastating to your self-worth; I didn't understand any other accomplishments but academic ones. So, my failure was crushing and depressing and sleep-depriving ... BUT for some reason I had this remarkable self-confidence and playfulness that prevented it from pulling me too far down. Some of the most popular lyrics in all Pearl Jamdom just really hit what I was feeling:
"Is something wrong?" she said
Well of course there is
"You're still alive," she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...?
I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
The individuality of life always seems to win out in Pearl Jam/Vedder music.
After I failed, many teacher told me how disappointed they were ... but the freaky thing was they weren't disappointed in me, they were disappointed in themselves as educators. Which I never understood until I became an educator myself. So, we had a lot of people who were angry, disappointed and upset, but it was more because of missed opportunities. There was an appreciation of life, but a frustration of decisions and distractions which kept it from being fulfilled.
This theme continues in Eddie Vedder's music from the personal story of Christopher McCandless...
Eddie Vedder Into the Wild "Guaranteed"
to the tragedy of those effected negatively by the Iraq War:
Eddie Vedder "No More" Body of War
If you haven't seen Body of War, I'd recommend it. If you have a Netflix account, you can watch it right now on Instant Play. (If you aren't angry about this war, think about the loved ones of Staff Sgt. Gary L. Woods Jr., 24, of Lebanon Junction, Ky., Sgt. 1st Class Bryan E. Hall, 32, of Elk Grove, Calif., Sgt. Edward W. Forrest Jr., 25, of St. Louis, Mo., Cpl. Jason G. Pautsch, 20, of Davenport, Iowa., Pfc. Bryce E. Gautier, 22, of Cypress, Calif. - They died last week from a suicide truck bomb - average age less than 24.6)
Anyway, this is already longer than most people (including my future self) will want to read. But when I was listening to music that spoke to me at that critical stage in my life, everything was either too heavy to be appropriate for my playfulness, too light to be appropriate for my anger, or not enough of both. Thanks to Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder for helping me empathize with who I am.
Oh and here is the funny Outside Lands video about the line-up:
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